Writers – Writing Tip #9

This is the ninth of 12 posts for writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you consistently break these rules better not give up your day job.

9. The Big Explanation at the End

Remember all those Agatha Christie mysteries where Hercule Poirot gathered all the suspects together and ran through the clues that led him to the final unmasking of the guilty party? Well the world of fiction has moved on. My editor tells me that nowadays all explanations must be revealed within the action.

BEFORE EDIT

“But what I don’t understand, Gray Cloud, is how the medicine man knew where to find the Vince Lombardi trophy.”

Gray Cloud sat by the fire and crossed his legs. “We must assume that Billy-Bob Wilder gave him the information. Remember when the two of them were incarcerated together for a week by Lucy, the preacher’s mad daughter? Rutting Bison shared his pipe with Billy-Bob. It seems the pipe was primed with hallucinogens that loosened Billy-Bob’s tongue.”

“Rutting Bison must have known that the drugs were hidden inside,” I mused.

“I don’t think so,” said Gray Cloud, shaking out his dream catcher. “The medicine man had nothing but disdain for modern drugs, and no interest in money. I think you’ll find all his actions were driven by the purest of motives.”

“Including the murders?” I threw him a look of total incredulity.

“You’ll understand when you’re older, son,” he said. “It’s a Native American thing.”

AFTER EDIT

“Come out with your hands up,” I shouted. “And bring the trophy with you.”

The medicine man appeared at the entrance to the hogan, and threw the precious Vince Lombardi trophy in a hail Mary pass high over Gray Cloud’s head. I ran and caught it before it hit the rocks.

As Gray Cloud handcuffed him I asked the medicine man, “Who told you where the trophy was hidden?”

“That fool, Billy-Bob Wilder was happy to tell me after sharing my happy pipe,” said Rutting Bison with a scowl. “The paleface nearly lost his mind when Lucy, the preacher’s mad daughter, locked the two of us up for a week with no food or water.”

“Of course your spirit creature protected you,” muttered Gray Cloud. “But tell the kid how you knew the drugs were inside the trophy.”

“Drugs?” the medicine man snorted. “If you think that was what I was after you are even more foolish than I thought, Gray Cloud. Everything I did I did for the tribe.”

“Including the murders?” I said, incredulous.

“You’re too young to understand,” said Gray Cloud. “It’s a Native American thing.”

Writers – Writing Tip #8

This is the eighth of 12 posts for writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them, but if you consistently break these rules  readers will notice.

8. Repetition

Try not to repeat yourself. This is the sort of mistake that should be picked up easily by an editor, or even a proofreader. Here’s an example.

Inspector Bill Marsden scrutinized the murder scene. The bishop’s body had been removed, a chalk mark indicating where it had lain on the carpet. Otherwise, the crime scene was undisturbed. The blue carpet was stained brown with a pool of dried blood. The poker, also streaked with blood, lay on the hearth where the murderer had dropped it. The forensic team would dust that for fingerprints, although Marsden knew they would find none. Whoever had killed the bishop had been careful to leave as few clues as possible.

He checked all the doors and windows. None had been forced. It seemed the bishop was acquainted with his murderer.

His phone rang. It was Marsden’s nemesis, Chief Superintendent Lamb. “What have you got, Inspector?”

“I’ve gone over the scene again,” said Marsden. “My guess is that his eminence knew his killer — there’s no sign of forced entry.”

“Tell me you have something to go on, Bill,” said the chief.

“There’s a lot of blood, sir, and we have the murder weapon. It’s a poker, but I’m afraid forensics won’t find any prints on it. Whoever the killer was, he was careful not to leave any clues.”

 

Writers – Writing Tip #7

This is the seventh of 12 posts for Writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you  consistently break these rules don’t give up your day job.

 7. Exposition

Exposition, my dictionary says, is “a comprehensive description and explanation of an idea or theory.” For fiction, that includes background, world building and backstory.

Let’s suppose you are writing a science fiction story about an alien invasion of the Earth. In order to tell the story properly, the reader will need to know why the aliens had to leave their own planet, the reason why they chose our planet to invade, and what steps they have already taken (before the story starts) to terraform the Earth to suit their biological needs. The reader will also need some details about how the Earth is now governed by a single power, Earth-gov, headed by an Earth President called Michaels.

All of this information must emerge in the most natural way possible, without interfering with the flow of the story. The golden rule here is to provide just enough information at each point so that the reader can follow the story, and no more than that.

Any attempt to interrupt the story in order to describe or explain this sort of material to the reader, will come across as authorial lecturing, and you run the risk of boring the pants off your reader.

The worst method of all is ‘feather dusting’, where two characters discuss something simply in order to impart information to the (eavesdropping) reader.

“As you know, Bob, the aliens lost control of the climate on their own planet hundreds of years ago, and set out in their inter-galactic spacecraft to find a new home.”

“But what I want to know, Bill, is why they chose Earth.”

“I think it was our water that attracted them, Bob. That and the ease with which they could terraform the planet to suit their biological needs.”

“I read somewhere that they prefer an atmosphere with more nitrogen in it. I suppose that’s why I feel so lightheaded all the time.”

“You’re right, Bob. Hopefully President Michaels and his Earth-gov will do something about it soon.”

Writers – Writing Tip #6

This is the sixth of 12 posts for Writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you consistently break these rules your chances of building a career as an author will be doomed.

6. Loose Dialogue

Dialogue needs to be short and to the point. Forget ums and ers and verbal ping pong. This is an area where I continually stray and my editor has to drag me back onto the straight and narrow.

Detective Inspector Darius cracked his knuckles. “Give me the highlights, Sergeant.”

“So far we have very little to go on, sir,” said Sergeant Clooney. “It’s going to be the devil’s own job to identify the victim.”

“No sign of the head?”

Clooney shook his head. “I have gangs searching the woods—”

“What about the sewers?” said Darius.

“And the sewers. And we’re doing house to house, of course.”

“You’re not optimistic. I can tell from your expression.” The inspector stretched out his long limbs and yawned, and the sergeant bit his tongue. Darius was full of himself. One of those useless pricks that couldn’t find a pint in a brewery. The only thing he was good at was getting himself promoted on the back of the good police work of others.

“No, sir. We need to find the head.”

“And check dental records.”

“Yes, sir.”

Reduces to:

 “No sign of the head?” Detective Inspector Darius cracked his knuckles.

Clooney shook his head. “I have gangs searching the woods and the sewers, and we’re doing house to house.”

The inspector stretched out his long limbs and yawned. The sergeant bit his tongue. Darius couldn’t find a pint in a brewery. The only thing he was good at was getting himself promoted on the back of the good police work of others.

 

Writers – Writing Tip #5

This is the fifth of 12 posts for Writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.
These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you consistently break these rules your chances of building a career as an author will be doomed.

5. Over-describing Your Characters

When describing characters, there is one rule: Less is more. Always keep you character descriptions short. This rule applies equally to major and minor characters. With major characters, give one or two important pointers and let the reader fill in the rest from his/her imagination. It’s a turn-off for readers to be told every detail about a major character; readers like to project characteristics from people they’ve met onto the characters they encounter on the page (or tablet screen).

For minor characters, restrict descriptions to the bare minimum. As soon as the reader sees a detailed description he/she is entitled to assume that this character will play a significant role in the story. If this turns out not to be the case, the reader will be annoyed that he/she bothered to commit all those details to memory, and may well stop reading your book in disgust.

A figure emerged from the shadows of the gothic pillars. At first I thought it was a dwarf, but then I saw that it was an old man, bent with age and infirmity. His head was bare and bald and covered in liver marks. He wore a 3-piece tweed suit and riding boots, and carried a fresh rose in his lapel.

“I know who killed your friend,” he whispered through a perfect set of dentures. Turning his head, he peered up at me with intense, piercing blue eyes. “It was—”

As he spoke these words, a shot rang out, the sound echoing from the ancient walls of the basilica. A dark red patch appeared on his chest and he fell forward. I caught him and lowered him to the ground.

I felt for a pulse, but there was none.

Writers – Writing tip #4

This is the fourth of 12 posts for writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you consistently break these rules your chances of building a career as an author will be doomed.

4. Ghastly saidisms

Some writers seem to believe that it’s a mortal sin to use the word “said”. It isn’t. It’s the most natural way of attributing speech. There are others, just as good, like asked, whispered, muttered, mumbled, shouted, bellowed — roared even. But please never use saidisms that explain the nature of the speech. Here’s a sample passage from a writer who has fallen into this trap. Notice how stilted the whole thing is.

“When we enter the ship Carter can take point,” the commander directed. “Peters and French next.”

He dismissed the crew and they made their way to the kit room.

“I wonder where the commander will be when the action starts,” Partridge mused, strapping on her B-P vest.

Peters and French burst into laughter. “Why don’t you ask him?” Peters suggested.

“I’m sure he’d love to explain his reasoning,” French offered.

“Seriously,” Partridge persisted, “when do we ever see him leading from the front?”

“He’s the commander,” Carter explained. “He’s there to give the orders, not carry them out.”

“And we’re the cannon fodder,” Partridge countered.

“That’s right,” Carter confirmed. “And don’t you ever forget it, young lady.”

 

 

Writers – Writing tips #3

This is the third of 12 posts for Writers who are planning to self-publish using the great services now available to the amateur writer, such as Smashwords, Amazon KDP, CreateSpace etc.

These mistakes are straight from week1 of “Good Writing 101”. You might get away with one or two of them; maybe people won’t notice. But if you consistently break these rules your chances of building a career as an author will be doomed.

3. Poorly constructed subplots

Try not to overstretch the reader’s memory a) with minor character names or b) with subplot story threads. Here’s an example.

Chapter 1 We are told that the main character, Lester, lost his baby sister Sylvia, aged 10, when she was shot by a raider in a convenience store robbery.

Chapter 3 We are told that Lester had a bad time at school at the hands of a bully named Tynan Moss.

Chapters 4 through 11 Lester and his police team investigate two killings that may or may not be connected.

Chapter 12 The sight of one of the victims reminds Lester of the dreadful day when his sister, Sylvia, was shot. He regrets that those raiders were never brought to justice.

Chapters 13 through 57: As the body count rises and the story unfolds, the red herrings are stripped away. It seems more and more likely that the killer has a personal interest in Lester.

Chapter 58 Lester meets Tynan Moss again. Something Moss says suggests that he may have been responsible for Sylvia’s death all those years ago.

By this time the reader has forgotten who Sylvia was; he/she has forgotten that Lester ever had a sister, that Lester and Moss went to school together, or that Moss was a bully.

The storyline is sound enough (if a tad unoriginal) but the thread has not been constructed properly. Sylvia needs to be mentioned occasionally, Moss needs to feature actively in the investigation in some capacity, and their threads need to crop up from time to time in the intervening chapters. Note that the mention of Sylvia in chapter 12 is not enough.